The Gospel According To St. Titleist (submitted by Bill Browne)

May thy ball lie in green pastures -- and not in still  waters.     ~Author   Unknown
 
 The only time my prayers  are never answered is on the golf course.   ~Billy Graham
 
 Golf appeals  to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is  proven by their frequent inability to count past five.  ~John Updike
 
 It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the  world is when one is playing golf.   ~Robert Lynd
 
 If  profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf  would  be played far better than it is.    ~Horace G.  Hutchinson
 
 They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf  is more complicated than that.     ~Gardner  Dickinson
 
 If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do  a golf club, they'd starve to death.   ~Sam Snead
 
 Golf is a  day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.    ~William  Wordsworth
 
 If you drink, don't drive. Don't even  putt.    ~Dean Martin
 
 If you are going to  throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of  you, down the fairway, so  you don't have to waste energy going back to
 pick it up.           ~Tommy  Bolt
 
 Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one.   ~Author  Unknown
 
 I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes  they'd come up sliced.    ~Author Unknown
 
 My  handicap?   Woods and irons.   ~Chris  Codiroli
 
 The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would  put a flagstick on top.    ~Pete Dye
 
 I'm hitting  the woods just great -- but having a terrible time getting out of  them!    ~Author Unknown

If you think it's  hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.        Jack Lemmon

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.    ~Mark Twain
 
 Don't play too much golf.  Two rounds a day are  plenty.   ~Harry Vardon
 
 Golf and  sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.     ~Jimmy  DeMaret
 
 The difference in golf and government is that in golf you  can't improve your lie.     ~George  Deukmejian
 
 Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music  comes out of a bagpipe.    ~Author  Unknown
 
 If I hit it right, it's a  slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook.  If I hit it straight, it's a  miracle.     ~Author  Unknown

08'21'05